End of orientation.

What a long week.
I really hope I remember even half of the information thrown at me last week. If I just remember where the research cabinet is, and the pantry, and I always show up early for shifts I should be OK. My first shift is research. I think that’s a very good thing. I can get my bearing in the emergency department, and talk to patients in a controlled manner. I’ll have explicit instructions, and know exactly what it is I’m doing, which will be nice. My Tuesday shift is in peds I think, which will be more difficult because I’m still not sure what the boundary is regarding sharing information on minors, and the nurses and doctors aren’t sure either, so everyone’s extra cautious about volunteers there. I am excited to jump right in, as usual. I’m the one who dives into cold water before the rest of my friends, who makes the final decision when it comes to what we’ll eat, where we’ll go, and what have you. I may be indecisive by my standards, but that’s because I really appreciate directness and good decision-making skills, and leadership.
We were all given a reading list that I’m excited to get started on. There’s so much I can learn this summer. And I should take a diagnostic MCAT. I hate that a standardized test stands between me and my dream career. Well, two standardized tests actually. At least two. But in a way that’s a big part of why I chose medicine, and why it chose me. I want guidance, requirements, little boxes to check off on my to-do list. It makes me feel secure to know that the biggest factor in my success will be sheer dedication and hard work. Sure, its great to be intelligent, and creative, and have a good bedside manner, but at the end of the day there’s a list of things one must do to become a doctor, and to get through the list you just need to keep plugging away. I hope I can interact with patients. To say I’m not the best talker is an understatement. Some people can make conversation with anyone, and they never seem awkward. I am not one of those people. And I guess I don’t have to magically become sociable to excel in this internship. But I will have to meet new people every single day, and do my best to make them feel…actually I’m not even sure. Make them feel like someone cares and is looking out for them, even though they’ve been waiting for 5 hours and haven’t seen a doctor yet. Make them feel less like patients and more like people? I know that everyone, truly everyone, has something interesting to say, and I know to reserve judgment about people because I usually end up being wrong. I’m not naïve enough to think that there are some people whose lives are so far outside the scope of my experience that we won’t have anything to say to each other. At the very least I could ask those people questions. I can’t wait to meet people who challenge me and make me think. I like to hear everyone’s story. We had a speaker who ran a workshop on doing HIV testing outreach in the emergency room, and she kind of rubbed me the wrong way because she asked everyone to write down a quality we liked about ourselves. I wrote that I’m a good listener, which is true, but she made a comment that saying you’re a good listener can just be an excuse not to step out of your comfort zone and talk to patients. I have not intention of standing in a corner and watching people, much as I might want to do that. When I have HIV outreach shifts I’m going to introduce myself to every single person in the ER and give the spiel about testing, both because I think HIV testing is super important, and because I want to prove Ms. Extroverted HIV counselor wrong. Yes, I always get I for Introvert on the Meyers Briggs test, and yes, I know that most people think extroversion is an essential trait in physicians. I’m quiet but I’m passionate about medicine, and more importantly, about people.
I can’t wait to get started tomorrow.

Project Healthcare Orientation thoughts

Not sure if anyone still reads this, but that's probably for the best.

I need a place to document my experiences this summer, but I don't want to be pretentious or otherwise annoying by talking about pre-med things all the time. I know that gets old real quick. Everyone likes to talk about their interests, and I don't have many friends who are as interested in the study and practice of medicine as I am. Maybe writing about what I do at Bellevue all day will help me tone down the incessant pre-med babble. Let's hope so. I could also use a record of this internship some day soon when I have to write a personal statement for my applications, and in general, it will help me remember bits of potentially useful information. For example, the Principle Investigator for NYUSoM's minor/moderate head trauma study is also the CEO of the school! Helping with his research is yet another connection between me and NYU. I need all the connections I can get.

Today we picked an anesthesiologist's brain regarding how he deals with the stress and emotions associated with being a doctor. He talked about dissociation, saying, "If you see every patient as your mother, you won't last long in this profession. Or, you'll become a bitter jerk." Empathy is key, but so is maintaining some level of emotional distance. I already know that's going to be tough for me. Today we went on a tour of the EW, and I felt so bad for pretty much every patient we saw. I want to see "interesting cases", but that's just another way of saying people in distress. A person in a great deal of pain, who just got hit by a bus, or somebody who collapsed while walking to their office, or a dude who stopped taking his meds and is now screaming curses at all the nurses in the psych emergency ward. When a case gets especially interesting, someone usually dies. This isn't House, MD. At Bellevue, people die. Several times a week. If we're in the EW and we hear "Trauma in the slot", we're allowed, even encouraged to go watch the nurses and doctors rush to resuscitate the patient as soon as we finish our task at hand. I want to see trauma. I want to see the nurses and doctors stabilize an airway, defibrillate, stop blood loss, and generally patch the patient up well enough to be sent to the OR or whatever the next stop will be. But I know that in order for me to see trauma, someone has to have a serious accident. So many staff members have said to us already that "Folks never plan to spend their day here at Bellevue with us." But I also have to consider that I'm not wishing for bad things to happen to anyone. I know that accidents happen, taxis run red lights, folks have heart attacks, and there's all sorts of interesting mishaps that can happen when one uses a chainsaw while intoxicated. Trauma happens, whether or not I'm in the EW to see it. So I just want to see it!

More training and orientating tomorrow. I hope I get my schedule!!

Rachel. Maddow.

SMITHIES!

and friends/family of Smithies

The commencement speaker this year is RACHEL MADDOW.

Yes, the Rachel Maddow, first out lesbian to host prime time news.

the website of Rachel's show:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/

her official website:

http://www.rachelmaddow.com/

RachelWatch:

http://www.afterellen.com/taxonomy/term/5277

When I heard about commencement, I literally jumped up and down going, "RACHELRACHELRACHEL I WILL GO TO COMMENCEMENT AND I WILL MEET HER AND WE WILL BECOME BEST FRIENDS AND HAVE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THE GOP AND THE END OF DADT..." Maybe I will impress her with my intellect and she'll let me be an intern and I'll get to meet influential people and won't life be grand?

I am definitely going to commencement this year.

RACHELRACHELRACHEL!

for Santa Claus or los tres reyes

My Christmas Wish List

With the holiday season upon us, I know all of you reading this have one burning question on your minds: What does Jesse want for Christmas? Well I've thought about it and there are a few things I want. Of course I want nothing as much as I want pie, and snow, and a trip to my mountains, and to see my friends and family. But we are living in a material world, so here are some things I would also like to receive. Also note that these items are in no particular order.

1. Feetsy pajamas!

Few things (except hugs!) are warmer and fuzzier than pajamas with feets. Extra points if someone finds me the kind with the butt flap. It's a reall buzzkill to remove the whole outfit every time you have to use the bathroom. You don't necessarily have to buy me feetsy pajamas that look like a deranged Easter bunny, but I'm certainly not saying I wouldn't appreciate it/wear them in public if you did.

2. DKNY apple-shaped perfume.

This stuff just smells really good. Get me either the red kind or the light pink kind. Surprise me!

3. Some superfly sneakers.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Jesse, you're a sweet kid but you wouldn't know 'superfly' if it bit you in the ass. You think "superfly" was the time you wore your gay rainbow socks, plaid boxer shorts, a tie dye shirt, and an argyle sweater vest to the Morrow house party." That may be so, so I will leave the choice up to the buyer. I just want some sneakers, not for running but for looking cool.

4. Books.

I read the way most Mexicans watch tv: 3-4 hours every day. Here are some books on my list right now:

But maybe it's best to get me this:

5. Travel mug.

I'm going to need this to get me through my next semester at Smith. The travel mug in the picture is recycled, making it extra-awesome. I really just need one that won't spill or break when I inevitably drop it every day. So a travel mug designed by NASA and tested by a hippo should be fine.

6. A Honda that's as old as I am.

Hondas last forever. And old cars have character. At least, that's my excuse. This car is about what I could afford...if I worked for a summer instead of doing internships. Maybe get me an unlimited-ride metro card instead.

7. Miniature pig!

This is the cutest thing I have seen in a long time (an aside that will surely be too long for parentheses: Dear Friends Who Know Me Well: Please do not think I am giving up my love of hedgehogs! They still have a special place in my heart. It's just that the little piggies are so smart! You can train them and take them for walks! Although they can't get stuck in paper towel tubes. Clearly the answer is that I need both a hedgehog and a mini pig.) After that aside I feel this item needs no further explanation. On to the pictures!

This is the luckiest guy in the world. Also: THE CHIN HAIRS THE CHIN HAIRS THECUTETHECUTETHECUTE. That is all.

It's floral! It has the proudest expression.

For comparison.

8. Can anybody find me somebody to love?

A birthday celebration

--Before I begin, I just want to say that I have a lot of catching up to do with these blog entries. I haven't written about Cuba, or Oaxaca. So expect more entries in the near future!

I'm leaving Mexico in 3 days. I can't believe the semester went by that fast! I've been here for almost 18 weeks. The fastest 18 weeks of my life.

Yesterday was my friend Lalo's birthday, so a program friend and I went to Tlaxcala with him to celebrate. He just has a thing for Tlaxcala. His goal for the afternoon was to buy a cane. I think he felt it would change his "look." So we found a cane decorated with carvings of birds and cacti in an artesan shop, then we went to Cacaxtla. To get to the zona arqueológica, we had to take a colectivo through several pueblitos. When we got to Cacaxtla we found the zocalo (not difficult in such a tiny village) and bought some tlacoyos for lunch. Tlacoyos are tortillas stuffed with black beans and covered in salsa, cheese, and onions. So tasty! Then, we walked back up to the archeological site.

The coolest thing about the ruins at Cacaxtla are the murals. Cacaxtla became the great power in this region after the fall of Cholula around 650-750 CE. So the paintings are even older than that, and they're really well-preserved!

The colors are still vivid more than 1,000 years later!

Remember my pictures from the Museo Nacional de Antropología in the DF? These weird dancers with scorpion tails that I saw in the DF come from Cacaxtla!

Note the fellow getting his intestines ripped out in the bottom left corner.

Apparently this latticework shows that Cacaxtla has Mayan influence!

The Mayans sure got around.

After we got back from Tlaxcala, we took Lalo to All Day Cafe and made the staff bring him a slice of cake. The whole cafe sang Las Mañanitas (Mexican birthday song)! And the cake was delicious.

Lalo with cake.

It was a good ending to a great day, but saying goodbye was sad. It always is. I will definitely keep in touch with Lalo.

Now for the Word of the Day: Bastón. It means cane or walking stick. Lalo compró un bastón en Tlaxcala = Lalo bought a cane in Tlaxcala.

Some things that make me angry and sad.

Disclaimer: I'm sorry to get all political up in here, because this is supposed to be a blog about my travels-architecture, foods, pretty scenery, etc. And what I'm about to write is a real downer. Also I do understand that I'm preaching to the choir-the folks reading my blog are my friends and family, not racists who fail to seek practical solutions to the problem that is Mexican immigration. But here I go anyway, ranting about some crazy, crazy shit that's been happening over the past few years regarding Mexican immigrants.

Note-This blog entry isn't about my politics. It's about a couple of things I've seen lately that I just could not believe. And then when I could believe them, I was so frustrated and sad.

Thing 1: The Arizona Minutemen.

Here's the issue (briefly): After 2001, border security increased in Texas and California, where it's easiest to cross. Why is it easiest to cross the border in those states? Ciudades gemelas, and there's no desert. Ciudades gemelas means twin cities, like Ciudad Juarez/El Paso, Tijuana/San Diego, etc. Once a person reaches Ciudad Juarez, they are pretty much set. The only obstacle is border security. They walk or ride in the trunk of someone's car from one city to another. It's easier to hide in the city, easier to find food and water.

This is not the case in Arizona. People who make it to the border between Mexico and Arizona still have days of walking through the desert ahead of them until they reach Phoenix. Imagine walking for days with little food and even less water. After a while, all the mountains look the same and you start to pray that you aren't walking in circles, that you wont end up back in Sonora where you started. And if the rattlesnakes or dehydration doesn't kill you first, then there's vigilante justice. Enter the Arizona Minutemen.

According to the Minutemen themselves, they are American heroes. They do not break the law, in fact, they have immense respect for the law, and especially law enforcement officials. The founder of the Official Minutemen Project (http://www.minutemanproject.com/) is a Marine with a purple heart. So what's my problem? How could I argue with a guy who has a purple heart?

Well. I am just getting started. After 2001, the good people of Arizona began to notice that there were a lot more Mexicans walking around on their ranches and hiding in their barns, because it's pretty tricky to find a place to hide from La Migra in the middle of the desert. After repeated attempts to bring this problem to the attention of the federal government, the Arizona ranchers got fed up. Being red-blooded Americans, they decided to take the situation into their own hands. What could go wrong? After all, they're just enforcing the immigration laws that already exist. According to the Official Minutemen Project website, a Minuteman simply apprehends the "illegal alien" (I have SO MANY ISSUES with this term, but I think that's another subject for another evening when I'm feeling rant-y) and turns him/her in to the authorities. The Minutemen are protecting their private property; who could argue with that? And what would you do if a group of Mexicans walked through your backyard in the middle of the night? Actually, I would invite them in for tacos, but we all know I'm a little bit odd.

And what happens if one of these gun-toting protectors of the homeland gets a little too trigger-happy? http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/eades/2009/06/minuteman-leader-arrested-in-a.php

This Minutewoman killed a nine-year old girl. What, did the little girl threaten to steal your cattle? And that's not the scariest part. This woman and two of her cronies murdered a man and his daughter in the process of a home invasion. According to the mother of the accused, "She sat here and said that she was going to start a group where they went down and start taking things away from the Mexican mafia. She was going to kick in their doors and take away the money and the drugs."

Unfortunately, this lady is not the only psychopathic Minuteman. But really, what do the American people care if in the process of apprehending a few "criminal aliens", some folks get buried in the backyard. Your finger slipped on the trigger. It was dark and you couldn't see properly. After all, they're nothing more than criminals. Illegals.

So, I have a problem with vigilante justice. What else do I have a problem with?

Thing 2: Racist video games.

http://nerdnirvana.org/g4m3s/borderpatrol.htm

This game is called Border Patrol. The objective? Shoot the "wetbacks" as they run across la frontera. Oh, and double points if you shoot a pregnant woman because she's a "breeder." She wants to come to America so her baby will be a citizen, then she wants to steal your tax dollars to pay for WIC and welfare for said baby.

I really have nothing to say, except that I don't want to believe people are capable of this level of ignorance. If you dare, scroll down and read the comments of the game website. I want to believe these people are joking. They're just spouting horrible, insensitive, racist jokes. But then a little voice in the back of my head says, "These are not jokes, these are your countrymen." And in moments like those, I have never felt less proud to be an American.

That's all for tonight. I miss you guys, but sometimes I don't miss the United States. Sometimes I don't miss it at all.

Best. Midterms Week. Ever.

I had midterms this week. At Smith, my mid-semester exams and papers tend to be spread out over the course of 2 or 3 weeks. I hate that. I am the kind of person who rips off her band-aids; I just want to get it all over with at once. Here, I had a paper due Monday, exam #1 Wednesday, and exam #2 Thursday. I spent a few days worrying a lot and studying a little, then I got serious and started spending hours in the library. I wrote a paper analyzing Diego Rivera's mural, "Triumph of the Revolution", took a short-answer exam in my colonial era class that I wrote in Spanish and English, and to end it all Thursday I wrote an essay exam in Spanish for Relaciones México-Estados Unidos. I was most worried about the last one, because it was the first time I have ever written an in-class essay in Spanish. I think my essay could have been worse. I'm mostly happy it's over, but I'm not embarrassed by my essay by any means. 

So why was this the Best Midterms Week Ever? Well, it was short. And Wednesday instead of studying more, I went to my program director's house for a cooking lesson taught by Delfi. She works in the program office. We made red chilaquiles, chalupas with carne asada, and red and green salsa. The green salsa should have been spicier in my opinion, but everything else was excellent! Sometime soon the program director will email us the recipes, and then I can make chilaquiles for everyone! You will love them, I promise. 

After cooking class I went to see a movie with some girls from my program. We ended up seeing "Mi Segunda Vez" ("The Rebound" in the US), a romantic comedy with Catherine Zeta-Jones. It was cute. I say that with equal parts admiration, and scorn. As many of you know, to say that romantic comedy is not my favorite film genre is an understatement. But I love to watch movies, if for no other reason then to criticize them. And "Mi Segunda Vez" gave me plenty of fodder for criticism, so thanks Director Bart Freundlich! 

Then, we all went back to Bernadette's house for our first class in Catrina-making. Catrinas are papier-mache skeletons that artisans create to be Day of the Dead decorations. 

Catrinas; picture not mine: 

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/img/v3/11-02-2007.NHG_02catrina.GSF291L6Q.1.jpg

I want to make a skeleton version of Kokopelli, the flute-playing fertility god of the Hopi, and other Native American tribes in the southwestern US.

After my last midterm Thursday, I went to buy nail polish at Plaza Dorada because it's on my way home. I stopped to see when "Jennifer's Body" (Diabolica Tentación here) was playing, because I had been looking forward to seeing that movie. Turns out, I had plenty of time to see the movie and still be home before dinner. It was way more my style! I love coming-of-age movies and dark comedies. "Heathers" is both! "Jennifer's Body" is no "Heathers" , but it does have a flesh-eating cheerleader. I think for me the big difference between "Heathers" and "Jennifer's Body" (besides Winona Ryder-I have a huge crush on Winona Ryder!) is the witty dialogue, which I believed in "Heathers." It has some of my favorite one liners: 

Veronica Sawyer: When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.

There's just something about the way Diablo Cody writes dialogue. I can't imagine real people saying what her characters do. Best one-liner in "Jennifer's Body":

Jennifer: I'm not killing people, I'm killing boys.

See what I mean? Everyone should watch "Heathers". It is one of my favorite movies. Actually, maybe for that reason none of you will like it. I like some strange movies. 

Anyway, with midterms week over I'm just hanging out, exploring different parts of this city and planning trips afuera de Puebla. I miss everyone! I heard it snowed in Central New York and the Pioneer Valley! Can't say I'm surprised.