I need a place to document my experiences this summer, but I don't want to be pretentious or otherwise annoying by talking about pre-med things all the time. I know that gets old real quick. Everyone likes to talk about their interests, and I don't have many friends who are as interested in the study and practice of medicine as I am. Maybe writing about what I do at Bellevue all day will help me tone down the incessant pre-med babble. Let's hope so. I could also use a record of this internship some day soon when I have to write a personal statement for my applications, and in general, it will help me remember bits of potentially useful information. For example, the Principle Investigator for NYUSoM's minor/moderate head trauma study is also the CEO of the school! Helping with his research is yet another connection between me and NYU. I need all the connections I can get.
Today we picked an anesthesiologist's brain regarding how he deals with the stress and emotions associated with being a doctor. He talked about dissociation, saying, "If you see every patient as your mother, you won't last long in this profession. Or, you'll become a bitter jerk." Empathy is key, but so is maintaining some level of emotional distance. I already know that's going to be tough for me. Today we went on a tour of the EW, and I felt so bad for pretty much every patient we saw. I want to see "interesting cases", but that's just another way of saying people in distress. A person in a great deal of pain, who just got hit by a bus, or somebody who collapsed while walking to their office, or a dude who stopped taking his meds and is now screaming curses at all the nurses in the psych emergency ward. When a case gets especially interesting, someone usually dies. This isn't House, MD. At Bellevue, people die. Several times a week. If we're in the EW and we hear "Trauma in the slot", we're allowed, even encouraged to go watch the nurses and doctors rush to resuscitate the patient as soon as we finish our task at hand. I want to see trauma. I want to see the nurses and doctors stabilize an airway, defibrillate, stop blood loss, and generally patch the patient up well enough to be sent to the OR or whatever the next stop will be. But I know that in order for me to see trauma, someone has to have a serious accident. So many staff members have said to us already that "Folks never plan to spend their day here at Bellevue with us." But I also have to consider that I'm not wishing for bad things to happen to anyone. I know that accidents happen, taxis run red lights, folks have heart attacks, and there's all sorts of interesting mishaps that can happen when one uses a chainsaw while intoxicated. Trauma happens, whether or not I'm in the EW to see it. So I just want to see it!
More training and orientating tomorrow. I hope I get my schedule!!
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